100 Miles From Home

The day started early and ended late in Key West. At 7:45 pm I was parked in the handicap zone on the ground floor garage of a 14 story apartment building in Miami  (although it could have been Hialeah, Fort Lauderdale, or Miami Lakes because I'd been there too) listening to experts debate the seriousness of the North Korean threat to world peace. I had four live lobsters in the car trunk. I smelled of six different kinds of mens' fragrances. I woke at 8:30 pm and listened to a Keith Jarrett CD. How I got there and what happened to the $200. in my wallet is a story for another  time.

Top 5 Thanksgivings

1. (should have looked it up) O.J. Simpson of the Buffalo Bills breaks the single game rushing record against the Lions, but the the Lions win. I'm there with wife #2 and Bobby, and when we get back to her folks' house, her dad's got a problem with the fact we left early (for Thanksgiving dinner). The pearl onion casserole was fantastic.
2.The Thanksgiving Parade with Ben when he was about 8. It was bitterly cold but fun. We went to Rocky's after and had a terrific meal. I remember it like it was yesterday.
3. My bother and I got aced out of the Thanksgiving game when my dad couldn't decide which of us to take and took our mom, who probably read a book at the game. The Lions beat the Packers. Gary and I later met Bruce Maher who was one of the game's heroes. I can't remember the food.
4. At the last minute a woman I was seeing showed up on Thanksgiving eve and that was...good.
5. 11/25/10: (This one could move up on the list), Good food, good conversation (in spite of a language barrier) and this particular woman knows how to dress for Thanksgiving Dinner. (If I'd had my camera..)
* Totally forgot about last Thanksgiving when Ben and I and Barry Rabe and his two sons did Thanksgiving sans any females. We ate turkey, macaroni and cheese, collard greens, and (I can't remember) pie in sweats and dirty t-shirts. We burped and farted on cue and watched football until basketball season started. It was terrific. The best part was when Barry's wife called from out of the country and he feebily tried to minimize what a great time we were all having. This Thanksgiving replaces #4 and vaults to #2, no question! (Thanks to Ben for the reminder).

Well Known Photographer and Raconteur, Rocky

My First Photo (thanks to Rocky and My I.T.genius, Jenny)

Panhandling

I regret having to do this, but since my young friend has questions about me being an actual WRITER, could some of you all send me a dollar to make this obvious lie legitimate? She apparently doubts the "professional" part of my claim. Thanks and for the record, I'm overlooking her cell phone violations.

Three Items of Interest

From today's KW Citizen. A meat-eating Argentine lizard is about to invade the Florida Keys. As was the case with the f****** iguanas, exotic pet owners have dumped the black and white tegu in S. Florida and now it's headed toward the Keys having been spotted as far south as Florida City. It resembles the monitor lizard which is scary in and of itself. It's a threat to small animals, has no natural predators, and can "out-compete" native species for it's food supply. Look the f*** out!
From Saturday's Citizen: The ferry coming back from the Dry Tortugas picked up 27 Cubans clinging to a life raft and floating plastic jugs 20 miles from Key West. As you may know, policy allows for Cubans who put a foot on dry land to be admitted to the country. If found in the water, however, the Cubans are returned to Cuba. The policy is called "Wet foot, dry foot." The whole experience documented in the news article was very emotional for the ferry passengers and the rescued Cubans. There is actually a beat up dinghy at the end of Boca Chica Rd. near my house which is a remnant of Cubans who successfully made it to shore a few years ago.
The third item is in reference to my first date in KW. I was elated that a young woman (half my age) agreed to have lunch with me on Sunday. She is from the Dominican Republic and absolutely illamativa. In addition, she's a cool dresser which counts for a lot. On the other hand, the fact that she spent half the lunch on the cell phone or texting was more than mildly irritating. The real problem was my schtick which does not translate well. My self-deprecating attempts at humor went over like lead (balloons, bullets, bombs, you pick). My jokes about having low self-esteem were equally off the mark. Needless to say,  when she found out I couldn't fish, fix stuff, and had virtually no real skills, the prospects for a 2nd date pretty much vanished. Oh well, back to the drawing board.

The Night Life Ain't No Good Life, But It's My Life

This reporter now thinks he was misleading about Key West. In spite of previous Fantasy Fest reports, it's really just a small town with a dash of quirky and a pinch of spicy. My entry into the community has been decidedly into the small town identity of the place. Until last night, that is. My good friend, Rocky, from Ann Arbor got to Key West on Sunday and we did the town on Monday night. We met some interesting people (two fallen Buddhists, for example - they believe in the death penalty). We ate some terrific seafood including some fancy raw tuna which was delicious. And then, well, I may have met Ms. Right. Her name is either Angelica or Angelina (the music was very loud). She really seemed to like me although our communication (due to a language barrier) was limited to body language (almost all of it hers). Due to her enthusiastic attempts to communicate and her obvious attraction to me, I generously reciprocated with dollar bills. And guess what? That solved the communication problem. With that out of the way, it's full speed ahead. As soon as I get my check, I'm going to look for her and who knows? Keep your schedules open!

Did I Peak Too Early?

As a function of age, I'm worried that today, 11/9/10, might have been impossible to beat.You know, if something really great occurs, one believes after age 42 that nothing like it could ever happen again.  At the state park beach there were more people than anytime since I've been down here (6 weeks now). The temperature was 75 degrees. The sun was bright. No clouds. On account of the time change, I was actually at the beach later than usual - by an hour - plus, I got there a little late. The sun was beyond my usual midday position so there was a real pretty shimmer on the water. I don't usually see pelicans at the beach but they were there today and kicking the asses of those sea gulls as far as getting optimum perching spots. The water was as brisk as Grand Traverse Bay when the wind is from the south - cold but great. I swam out to the buoy marking the swimming area - twice. In between I read two newspapers and successfully did both Sudoku puzzles.  Wow, what a day!

Widespread Panic

The radio DJ was in a tizzy on Friday when the weather report predicted that Sunday morning's low temperature would be 60 degrees. "I can't find my coat. Where did I leave my coat from last winter? I think I loaned it to someone who hasn't returned it." The wind has been strong from the north for the past three days and it's changed everything. The beach on Friday was occupied by mostly old folks bundled up and just feeding the sea gulls. There were a few very pale people sunning themselves. You just knew they were from some place up north. They needed sun and the 60's weren't that cold anyway. Sweats were the dominant attire on the walk along Smathers Beach. I thought it was an over reaction but it was probably a chance to wear something seldom used. On a tip I decided to sort my t-shirts into cold weather (heavy) and warm weather (light) piles. Thank goodness the weather and the corresponding adjustment in what to wear did not prevent me from determining whether an individual woman was callipygian or not. Years of experience and a particularly discerning eye.  

Sparky Anderson

Departing from the Key West theme to give props to my man, Sparky Anderson, who died on Thursday. I was introduced to him once and he could not have been nicer to me. I loved to hear him fracture the language, and I wish there were baseball guys like Sparky and Yogi in the game today to entertain us with their interviews. My very vivid memory is of Sparky at his managerial best. Tigers vs. Red Sox. Young Roger Clemens (in his prime) on the mound and mowing us down. Looks like there is no hope this day until Clemens walks a Tiger. There must have been no score. Clemens is worried about the runner and either throws over or makes a funky move to the plate. Anyway, Sparky flies out of the dugout and enters into a long tirade with the umpire about the balk move he thinks Clemens has committed. Sparky's one-sided argument goes on and on until he decides it's over. What happened next? You guessed it. Clemens can't find the plate. When he finally does, the Tigers jump on him and eventually win.

I was reminded of my favorite Sparky quote in a Free Press obituary. He had a tendency to hype young players and was frequently telling the fans that this or that young player was going to be the next Mickey Mantle. Well, a rookie makes the squad coming out of spring training (could be Torey Lovullo) and Sparky says, "If you don't like him, you don't like ice cream." That's how I felt about Sparky.

The Day After the Election.

Political upsets reached Key West yesterday. Here's the headline from today's (Wed.) Key West Citizen, "Bug Board Voting Bloc Busted." In a previous entry the significance of the Mosquito Control Board was mostly lost. It turns out this board is well scrutinized because of the mosquito problem in the Keys and its enormous budget. The newly elected member, Jack Bridges, "was quick to point out that (the executive director) who earns $184,000.00 a year, is the highest paid goverment administrator in the Keys and makes more than the governor of Florida." Mr. Bridges' election severs a voting bloc of 3 on the 5 member board headed by the executive director. Mr. Bridges did not immediately state whether he plans to advocate firing the executive director or simply lowering his salary to $130,000.00. All I know is I've got a bunch of bites on my legs. I'd be glad to direct the board for half of either those amounts.